FATMAIL MAY 2006

Thursday, May 25, 2006  //////////////// Fatmail Food Mail /////////////////// If music be the food of love, then breakbeat is surely that nauseating smattering of sweaty gelatine that exists between the meat and the crust of a pork pie and tastes like congealed pre-cum. But dont let that put you off, because once again, its time to roll up your sleeves, lay the table and pretend to wash your hands, as we get ready to forcefeed another distasteful hunk of rancid marketing meat down your greedy, vacant, undiscerning oesophaguses. If youve been buying Friendlys last few records, then your taste-buds must have corroded some time ago. But, always eager to exploit the buying power of the tasteless and disenfranchised around the world, this month we sent Fat Head Chef Paul Chow Yun Fat Arnold to China to spread the putrid cheese of Chew The Fat among the worlds largest nation, where eating has actually been banned since 1956 by the government. Having narrowly avoided a fisting at Chinese Immigration due to having an illegal haircut, Arnold managed to weasel his way through customs and escape the Mongolian saltmines. Our hero was last seen triumphantly ejaculating his special breakbeat sauce over the smiling faces of crowds in Beijing and Shanghai. And theres a special international flavour to the Fat nights this month, with a brace oily Italians joining the usual gathering of gluttons and gobblers at the table of the monthly dogs dinner of music that is Chew The Fat at The End. So peel apart the pastry of this months Fatmail, dear reader, and feast on the sickly goo within ////////////////// Chew The Fat & The End  ///////////////// Tenuously continuing the culinary theme, we should perhaps here mention that the upcoming Chew The Fat party at The End welcomes headliners Santos and Madox, both hailing from Italy. The more ignorant among you might take the stereotyped view that Italy is the land of pizza, spaghetti bolognese and corrupt, sweaty, hirsute lotharios with monobrows who prat on about how great their mothers cooking is. Eager to challenge this xenophobic image of their homeland, the boys spoke out in a recent interview with the Fat team. Heres just one of the highlights: Unpaid Fat Pseudo-journalist monkey: What is your favourite Italian recipe? SANTOS: the one from Mum. Mum's recipe is always number 1. MADOX: Spaghetti with fresh clams. Also peeping over the DJ booth this month will be Tayo, who will be providing the meat to the Italians two veg. Hell be handing round a tin of specially baked Dubstep Shortbread on the dancefloor while everyone waits for the the next two-minute crescendo. Tonights grizzly selection of off-cuts are spearheaded by The Colonel Paul Arnold, whos now admitted to having eaten so much KFC that he sweats chicken fat when exercising and has a patch of breadcrumbs growing on his scalp. Newcomer Kid Blue, meanwhile, claims to enjoy hot curry, but was recently seen shitting blood through the eye of a needle at the sight of a vegetable korma. And tonights last turkey in the shop is the inimitable Friendly, with a palate-harming, sour-faced set of Aussie breaks thatll make you wish you stayed in with a bout of food poisoning instead. Chew The Fat at The End Friday 12th May 06 Main room Y4K present Trouble Soup Album launch feat Santos and Madox  beefy breaks on a bed of boredom Tayo  two-step tripe Paul Pupae-Pod Arnold  crispy aromatic arseholes Friendly  rotten tomatoes and sour plums Kid Blue  pure offal In the lounge Sonorous Sounds presents DJ Woody Spiritual South (Mark Robertson) Found Sounds DJs DJ Daterape Jesus Christcore Roy Hattersley DJ Dogbreath and MC Cockface The End, West Central St., London, U.K. London, W1 £10 / £6  nus Buy Advance tickets here - avoid the shame of being seen going in: http://thefatclub.trinitystreetdirect.com/ Next month Chew the Fat! Friday 9th June - Paul Woolford & Elite Force /////// Send us your recipes and Win tickets //////// To win free tickets to this months feast of breakbeat, simply email in with your favourite Fat recipe for countering a bitter comedown after a night of uninspiring breakbeat: info@fatclub.com ////////// Fatspace ////////////// Sad? Lonely? Lost all sense of perspective, social skills and musical taste? Then come be our friend at www.myspace.com/chewthefatuk - and dont forget your razor blades. /////////// Travelling with Chew the Fat! //////////////// FRIDAY 26th MAY @ LA  PALOMA, BARCELONA, Paul Ba La La La La La Bamba Arnold, Precision Cuts, Missill, Julio Double-Englazingas, El Castrato SATURDAY 27th MAY @ PO NA NA, READING Friendly, Precision Cuts, Kid Blue, Fred West, Peter Sutcliffe Saturday 3rd June Georgia  Paul Trouble Arnold & Friendly ////////////// Chew the Fat! Radio ///////////////////  Turn on, tune in, and turn off again. Every Friday Live Ministry of Sound Radio 8pm -  10pm Special Guests Live Friday 12th May 3, 2006 SANTOS AND MADOX  playing Ciabbatech house and wittering on about their mamas spaghetti Go to www.ministryofsound.com/radio/chewthefat Previous Archives Include Paul Trouble Arnold, Friendly, Vlad Sokolov, The Insurgents, Slyde, Chris  Carter, The Git (live), Roberto Dildondo, DJ Softcock & MC Ballbag, Ron Vinegar, and Derek The Dong, among others. //////////// Fat! Records  ///////////////// COMING SOON... Chew The Fat! At The End Presents Paul Arnold CTFATCD004    RELEASE DATE: 12th June  it just keeps going back and back, how cool is that. Mixing together all the forgotten classics from the Fat fridge - its more fun than a bout of diahorrea, but slightly more expensive. KICKFLIP  KING CONGA / FREAKY FUNKY NASTY BAOBINGA & I.D  RITE OF PASSAGE / GET RETRO MERKA  MYSTIC MAN    FRIENDLY  NOBODY MERKA  HUG A SPEAKER    B-PHREAK  CHUNK STYLE Vinyl - http://thefatclub.trinitystreetdirect.com/  MP3's - http://www.djdownload.com/labels-detail.php?L=281 //////////// End the Fat ////////////// We hope you choke on it. Love from The Fat Mob x